


I am male, thank you very much - Harry Potter

by Delinka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Female Harry Potter, Gen, Genderbending, Harry doesn't agree, Making fun of female!Harry, Mary Sue, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Not really though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 08:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3320453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delinka/pseuds/Delinka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabbles in which Harry Potter does not agree with being (turned into a) female and other cliche tropes happening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harry has been cursed into a female form, letting the wizarding world believe that it was instead a revealing spell and that he has always been female. Harry does not agree.

______________

"Harietta! Wait up!"

Harry kept walking, not looking back at the brown haired girl running after him.

"Harietta! Stop ignoring me! What is the matter with you?!" At that Harry turned around and glared at the now panting Hermione.

"What's wrong? What's wrong?! I'll tell you what's wrong!"

Hermione took a step back at the furious glare aimed at her. "But.. Harietta?"

"Stop calling me that!"

"But it's what your parents named you!"

At this Harry crossed his arms. "And how would you know? How would the rest of the world know? I was announced as Harry Potter. My birth certificate says Harry Potter, MALE. I've lived my life as Harry Potter! That's my name, not that... abomination. I may have been cursed," "It was a revealing spell, not a curse!" "cursed, but I am still a man. Why would you think that that would change?"

"I.." Hermione took a step back before strengthening her resolve. Harietta was just confused, which was logical. She had after all been living her life as the wrong gender. Maybe she just needed some time. "Of course Hari-y."

Harry just looked at her and rolled his eyes. She of all people should know better than this. He had expected this kind of behaviour of Ron actually instead of Hermione. Turned out that the Weasleys originally had 2 daughters instead of 1. Ron understood him more than himself at the moment.

"Just let it go Hermione. I'm on my way to St. Mungos anyway." Hermione looked up alarmed. "They might not be able to reverse the curse, but there's no limit on how many times the curse can be applied. Now I will see you later tonight in the Common Room, with my dangly bits attached."

Hermione watched devastated as her friend walked away to the Headmaster's office. It was such a shame to lose a black haired beauty like that. Harietta really was better than plain old Harry. That steeled her resolve. She just had to find a curse of potion that would render other gender switching abilities defective.


	2. Let Ron eat in peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron just wants to eat in peace without bullshit happening all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very much crack. Don't take it too seriously because I don't know what I was thinking. Hopefully it isn't too "omg spork random1!!1"

Ron was eating happily in the Great Hall. To be more accurate, he was stuffing his face at the Gryffindor table while his friends were somewhere else. Ron didn't really care, they were mature enough to not need a leash. Sometimes he was tempted to put a leash on Harry anyway, but so far he had managed to resist the temptation. His friend just got into way too much trouble.

Just as he was about to take another bite of a harpy wing, it was actually chicken but the house elves liked naming their food and nobody cared as long as it tasted delicious, someone sat down next to him. Turning his head to greet one of his friends Ron froze when he saw that it wasn't one of them.

"Ehh, who are you? You should know that this seat is taken, like uh always." Which was true, every Gryffindor by now new to leave the Trio alone. The last one who bothered Hermione couldn't walk anywhere without walking like a crab for 2 weeks. Personally Ron found that a bit too excessive, but he wasn't about to argue about it with Hermione.

"Oh Ron!" giggle. "You're soooo silly sometimes! You silly illy little goose! It's me of course, your best and fabulous friend HARRY POTTER!!" The girl sitting next to Ron yelled that last part causing the few people in the Great Hall to look at them before realizing that Ron was involved. Last thing they wanted was to get involved with one of them. No sir-e, just normal student stuff for them. The castle alone was enough of a danger with trying to kill them on the stairs. Adding the Trio to that... yeah, just no.

Ron choked, having taken a bite while the girl was screeching next to him. He spit out the piece of chicken after the girl slapped him on his back. Or it was supposed to be a slap, Ron figured in the back of his head, instead it was more like a pat. Like the girl was petting him. That thought almost made his efforts to get his breathing under control for naught. He sincerely hoped that Hermione didn't see it. 

"The hell? Who are you really!" Ron twisted back, trying to put as much space between him and the girl. He glared at her, willing her to answer the question, preferably without the screeching. Her voice was just terrible.

"But Ronnie POO! Don't you recognize me? I'm Harry! Or well, it's Harrietta Gryffindor von Doom van Oranje -I'm the rightful heir to the Dutch throne, have I told you yet?- Slytherin -yes I know! So shocking- Clarabella Kent -I'm Superman's niece!- Mary Sue." Somehow the girl managed to 'introduce' herself and explain her last names within 7 seconds. Ron wondered who that super man was and why that would be interesting information to share.

Ron stared uncomfortably to the girl sitting next to him on the bench. She beamed sweetly at him before grabbing the piece of chicken that had landed on the table. Eyes widening Ron watched as she put it in her mouth and swallowed. 

"Ms. Potter,"

Both teens turned to look behind them. 

"What?" Ron asked, baffled as to why Snape didn't seem to recognize that this clearly wasn't his most hated student.

Snape spared a disdainful glance at him before continuing "detention. Tonight. 21:00, wear something... disposable."

"Yes professor!" The horror Ron felt grew even more. The Harry-imposter had giggled! Giggled! At Snape! And Snape had... flirted? Ron grabbed his head. His brain hurt. Maybe he was insane? Unfortunately he didn't think his parents would be able to afford long time care at St. Mungos. Too bad, he could have chilled with Neville's parents. Have a tea party with Lockhart.

BAM.

That shook him out of his pity party. The doors to the Great Hall was already open. So why close them only to bang them open..? Oh. Ron saw the cause. 

An angry Harry Potter was striding towards the Gryffindor table quickly. As he came closer Ron could see his that his hair was even more messier than normal and had... twigs in them. And, yes, he was seeing it right. A bird was perched on top of it. There were also some weird pink ropes on his robe. Kinda looked like those silly strings the twins had covered him in once.

"Oh em GEE! My male clone has come from another dimension to kill me! Hide me Ron!" Suddenly Ron was being used as a human shield for a trembling girl that pretended to be his best friend. Nope. Ron quickly stood up and shoved the girl towards Harry.

"You bitch! Stop trying to steal my life! I thought you still had 6 more years to go and how are you even here?! You're a muggle!" Harry glared at the girl who was currently trying to crawl underneath the table.

"Someone save me! He's trying to kill me!"

Harry just rolled his eyes and hit the girl with a Stupefy. "Crazy neighbour, lives next door from the Dursleys. Everyone always just ignored her antics and blamed everyone on me."

Ignoring everyone else, including a furious Snape, Harry levitated the girl and started walking back out of the Great Hall again. "I'll see you in the Common Room Ron! Just have to go to the owlery to mail something!"


End file.
